Vain.

Are you vain?

Since i have so much time to myself, i thought about what being vain means, and I'm just focusing on appearance, to decide whether i am vain, or not. 

According to dictionary online,

1. excessively proud of or concerned about one's own appearance, qualities, achievements, etc.; conceited: a vain dandy.

2. proceeding from or showing pride in or concern about one's appearance, qualities, etc.; resulting from or displaying vanity: He made some vain remarks about his accomplishments.

excessive: more than is necessary, normal.

conceited: excessively proud of oneself.

How do you define necessary or normal? Everyone may have their own version of necessary. If A doesn't care about A's own appearance at all, while B cares to a small extent, that may be considered more than necessary to A. If C seeks to have good achievements all the time, that may be considered more than necessary to B who only tries a little.To be normal, would mean to be average. Then, how do you judge yourself? Less than average, average or more than average? That would be the starting point to what is excessive to each person.

I am not vain because...
 

1. To make the effort to present oneself well and appropriately, it's a form of respect to others... It's not about dressing whatever you want, it's only appropriate and sensitive to think about the venue, people or things you will do for the day. If the day requires one to dress down, i will dress casually. If the day is more of a night or formal thing, i will dress to suit it. I think that is being considerate.

2. I like to have a little fun with my clothes, just like little girls playing dress up, but not dramatically. That is why... i give myself a different clothes theme every week! :P It's just like choosing a character to get into for the day, and no, i don't mean anime characters or other types of animated character! :X To dress a little differently for each day, depending on how I'm feeling that day and of course, according to the theme, requires some imagination and creativity. I do like to do a proper job from the beginning if i plan on dressing up, but of course not in a dramatic/exaggerated way. It may take some time to find the right clothes (without buying new ones) that match the idea of the character i want to be in my head, or the way i do my hair to complete the look or idea, otherwise I'd look like a weird freak. Taking the time out to having a little fun, imagination and creativity to be a little different everyday doesn't mean that I'm vain.

3. I don't check on myself all the time. I don't look in the mirror all the time or have the need to, unless i have eyeliner on and it's becoming a huge mess of black on my face, then i do need the mirror/water to clean it off. I don't fret over how my hair flies everywhere or having the need to rush to the toilet each time after that to place it properly. I don't arrange/set my clothes all the time, unless to make sure my skirt and my top is in place so that nobody sees my inner garments. I don't fish compliments, but it'd be nice if i was given one on their own accord.

4. If dressing up makes me feel better about myself, why would i wanna feel in the dumps? It's not that I'm ashamed of myself, but i guess it's good to have some expectations and push yourself to be better than just you be you, the same you every single day. It doesn't mean that I'm all wow and everyone should look at me when i do. In fact, it doesn't really matter what people think as long as i feel good about myself. Of course, appropriately. I just feel more polished, that's all.

I am vain because... 

  
1. To get the idea in my head and finding the 'right' clothes, i take so much time that i become late for my appointment. Is that a time management thing, disadvantage of the urge to fulfil the idea in my head or being vain? It is at the expense of prioritising it over other things, or people and giving no regard to it. So, i guess, that might be excessive and selfish.

2. When my hair does eventually get so messy (if I'm not trying out for a messy hair do) and looks sloppy and almost ruined (for example, a half undone braided hair), i must get it fixed ASAP! Otherwise, I'd look like a Medusa with hair flying in all directions which makes me feel unkempt and incomplete, which wasn't my intention when i step out of the house.

3. I'd get upset if my bag/clothes spoils when I'm out and i have to get a new one immediately (because i can't possible hold everything in my bag on my hand, there's alot of stuff) (i might risk being half naked if i don't get a new piece of clothing), and there's no item in the nearest shop that i can afford and fit my look for that day.  

4. Chipped off nail polish that is very obvious to the naked eye. It makes me feel like I'm untidy, and that I let myself be untidy when i don't remove it or repaint it. Especially if I were to go out on a special occasion and it chips and I can't do anything about it, I'd feel incomplete, sloppy and that my nails are being disrespectful... LOL I'll try to hide my nails so people won't notice, like clenching my fingers, wrapping my hands around the disrespectful finger nail or just not use that hand. If someone notices it, I'd kinda feel ashamed of them. :< Nail polish should be complete on all 10 fingernails!

So... I can't decide if I'm vain. 
You know how artists feel when their piece of artwork is missing something, or if you add some detail to it, it completely ruins the whole idea when in fact it's just a dot to you? It feels that way to me, it has to be complete. Excessively concerned, but not 24/7. I'd be proud if someone wants to buy my painting for millions of dollars. Same to how someone compliments me. It's like a sign of appreciating the completeness of it. To people/friends who share the same/similar sentiments to how i feel about appearances, we aren't excessive to each other. To others who don't feel the same way, it may be excessive since our starting point is different, and they wouldn't be able to understand that kind of feeling we seek to complete, or the idea of having fun with appearances. And to me from a different point as they are, will see them negatively as i too, cannot comprehend why they cannot have the same sentiments as me. And maybe vain is all about seeing someone from another point far from your own. Then again, i wonder if it's an OCD that i have.

Bye~