Rants. D;

All I'm doing every single day is...
Studying, studying, and more studying... And i have about less than 50 days till my first paper. D; I'm going to have panic attack soon. I'm not even anywhere close to being confident for my papers at all. I think i really suck at organising my life. I can never say no to anything fun after a whole day of studying and being boring, and right after that, i feel so broke. :<
I feel so trapped right now. Argh! D; Need some fresh air, need more time, need to shop, need to sit for a bit and just look out at the blue skies, go for a swim, go for a jog, go for some classes... Everything but studying. But, i know i can't. I can only sit down and look at my notes and books. Sighs. Every year at this time... I love school, but this is the toughest part, to have some discipline, i must! I sound so incoherent right now. Anyways, thank god dance is taking an early break and stops next week! I'm glad to have more time to study, yet a little sad that I'll be growing so fat from next week onwards from not moving at all. I'm so distracted that I've even thought of my exercise routine to do after my exams are over. :D Hahaha...

And Thai food for the weekend!
Because I've been craving it since a week ago :D I super love the basil meat. The sweet potato leaves were pretty good, i think it was all because of the sauce. The green curry was good too! I like my food sweet. :) And to top it all off with mango salad~ Yay~ I remember that was my first meal for that day. Totally starving! Glad it filled my tummy. :D

Fried rice! My all time favourite food too. I seem to be having one too many favourite food. Making my day a little better. :D Intended to head out to study but the rain made me sleep my day away. :( What a wasted day it was. I was all dressed up and ready to go, but it just had to pour at that moment. And the pavement near my place makes it really inaccessible since it will usually flood when it rains heavily.So... I could only wait at home, and i fell into a 100 years long sleep... 

Had a hearty meal after one mundane day. A treat from a friend whose parents had a stall selling all the different kinds of meat. Ate chicken meat, duck meat, char siew and shao rou, which i have no idea what it's called in English, but basically pork. Haha. Although I'm not someone who like fats, the char siew was really good! It had the roasted smell, with fats that seemed like meat, so i was fooled. Hahaha And the duck didn't have the ducky smell! Yay~ They should expand the amount of stalls they have, the food is good! ^o^

And back here after awhile...

This used to be my old dance studio for quite a number of years. As you can see, it looks really shabby. But, I'll treasure whatever place i have as long as I have a place to dance. I'd rather dance here than not dancing at all. I've quite gotten used to travelling some distance to dance already. I used to get very tired from travelling to this place because it will take me about 45 minutes, when the other studio, under the same teacher, used to take me 10 minutes to reach. But this place has so many memories. From when i first started doing my pointe, and all the effort I've put in were in this studio. I'll miss the old chalkboard, where teacher will write down the name of the exercises, to the old air cons that will drip water or spoil once in a while, the fan that had to be turned on because everyone was perspiring like mad like we all just went for a dip in the sea, the parquet floorboards that will creak when i jump and split if i jump too hard, which explains all the black masking tape, the smoothness of the floor and the number of times everyone has or almost slipped and fell, the tiny changing room that we all shared which can't be seen now, and the portable barres which we have to carry into the studio before or after lesson even when we are very tired, and the barres that we used that moved whenever someone uses too much strength and pulls it on one side, the blackouts that will happen once in a while during lessons and we had to use our phones as torchlight, cockroaches and lizards and other insects that will come out from nowhere... I miss everything there. All the restraints that we faced, but loving dance so much that I'd rather live with all these.

 Happy good Friday to me! Nay... It's not even a holiday since i have to continue studying. ;/

And yes, back to studying.

Bye~

Happiness day :D

Happy belated happy international happiness day!

Had a very bad and shocking Tuesday, I had to miss Sleeve's birthday supper. :< I think i almost didn't go back if i didn't just sat and thought about it for a moment. Now that I'm back, i have to commit 100% and not miss anymore lessons for whatever reasons. Butttt, it's so difficult during this period because exams are coming and i have so much to catch up on and i really need those As for this year! :< I really got to up my time management skills! ;O To get something, i have to give up something else, and so far, there's nothing in my life that i would like to give up. :< Sacrifices... :<

Anyways, it was a pretty happy happiness day for me. :D I did all my happy things and swimming was one of it. It felt really great even though it was raining... But since the sun was still out, the water was still warm. I felt like a sissy when i got out of the pool when it rained heavier, and everyone else was still in the pool, even the kids! So, i just stood around for abit, until it wasn't that heavy and got back in. Super awesome feeling! I love it! Never want to leave the pool~ :D But... I guess i was done swimming and was just floating around, it felt kind of awkward when the lifeguard is looking at you floating around doing nothing, and it made me wonder if he was going to chase me out since i might block others doing their laps. :/ Especially since i was floating around on my own. Hahaha. Am i weird? :/

Celebrated St. Patrick's day this year! The bag of candylicious jellybeans were really addictive. The flavours were really good, and they had my favourite - Green tea jellybeans! I love almost everything with green tea or green tea flavoured! :D The downside of St. Patrick's was the Guinness. I'm not really a big fan of Guinness since it's quite... i don't know... bitter? I prefer light beers, ladies beers i guess. Guinness is too man for me, too much stout. Haha. But i really like the hats! Though this year's hat is pretty simple and not the usual super big hats that look funny when you put them on.

 

And after a very long and humid afternoon, we can finally have dinner! Decided on bar bar black sheep! The food is really good, especially the butter chicken! Totally want to try them again, together with the butter naan. But, i had a stomach upset the night before and i couldn't finish my beers that day. To add on, i got a tummy ache from eating too much. :< Think i was suppose to ate in small portions. I think there's a virus going around!  A few people has got the virus and have to "keep going toilet".

Even with my tummy ache, i still want to enjoy my food! Especially since I'm at my favourite hangout - Haato! How can i not be happy when i have the chicken wings, carbonara and waffles! All my favourite food from my favourite food place! :D Super love the waffles at Haato. It's soooo awesome! Though i usually can't finish one whole waffle by myself because i will get tired from eating it. :X Haha Oops.So... I couldn't resist ice cream! And head down for some. Hehehe :) Was a super happy girl! Though my tummy aches came and went, came and went, it was a small torture. But the food and company made everything seemed better. :D Going to get my green tea with honeycomb combination again the next time i go back. The lady was really surprised and doubt my combination, asked me if it was good. Of course it is! :D She said no one has asked for this combination before. :< But... i like green tea... :< and honeycomb. And i think it tastes awesome! :D

And for the rest of the week, was just pretty much the same. Went back to working out and hit the gym. It's been awhile since i jogged already. Felt so weak, like my arms have zero strength! oh my god. Imagine if someone were to attack me, my punches wouldn't even hurt the person at all. i need to train my strength! :X I hope someone is going to give me a medicine ball as my birthday present, or Christmas present, or labour's day present or something. Though i don't mind getting a bucket of paint as well to paint my walls. I'm really getting sick of the yellow. :/ I think Yellow isn't a good colour, it makes me angry. I need a calm and soothing colour. Light purple is too soothing! I tried it and it just makes me want to fall asleep all the time! Or... maybe that's just me, i don't know. Oh wells~

And here's my mini kanken! I'm sooo in love with it! My friend insists that it looks like a little kid's bag, especially with the contents inside! It is not! ;O She insists that if she didn't know that the bag belonged to  me, she would've thought which kid left her bag and ran off. :'< But it's so cute! And i wrote my name and address inside, since there's a space to write it, why not?! I might lose my bag since i always can't find my stuff, or some kid might steal my bag! :X And she said, "What if you shift house?" ;0000 Why is my friend like that?! Hahahaha. I will definitely not shift house! I love my house! I've never shifted before! And i will neverrrrr... until the day i get married and have no choice. :X Hehehe

 And met up with the fingers for a chill session~ Theme was flowers in the fall. Haha! All of them got so agitated when i mentioned it. LOL I always try to come up with a theme for our clothes when we meet up. :X Just for the fun of it. Hahaha. And middle finger is always wearing black! I knew it! She stuck to wearing black again and called herself the withering flower. Haha That was a good shot. I had nothing to say, just let her be the withered flower then. LOL And... This thumb came first and she didn't dare to got up the stool because it was kind of high and she didn't know how. Hahahaha! Sleeve forgot to bring out the monopoly deal cards! :O I was looking forward to that scheming game! All the fingers become so fierce all of a sudden when we're playing that game. Hahaha :X Anyways, it was a good palm reading, line reading, zodiac matching, horoscope scanning session. Tarot cards seem to really work. :O I'm scared and intrigued at the same time.

 

Okay Bye~ :D

Heyho~

 YOLO (you only live on) Thursday

Aunt Ning, my relative's maid, is going back home already, after working for 10 years in Singapore. Not very sure if my perceptions are true, but it seems that not many maids can work for that long and not have some kinda homesickness issue with their employers, which eventually cause them to get sent back to their country. So... I was quite sad that she's heading back after staying for so long. Back to her kids, husband, parents... home sweet home. Kind of sad in a way, since she's been with the extended family for 10 years already. And those times when i used to go over to grandparents' place every weekend, I'll see her. And she speaks Chinese too, so it makes it a lot easier for us to communicate compared to some maids whereby we converse with only one to a few words. I guess in a way, she feels that she's no longer needed by the household since my 3 cousins that she helped to take care of have all grown up, and so, she's decided to return to her country, back to her family. I have no idea how they can work overseas. It's so tough not being able to communicate with them, missing her husband and kids every single night and yet, not able to talk to them. Yet, if i were to be able to communicate with my family, i guess i will miss them more and want to stop working since i can only call them every night and talk for a while. 

I am so going to miss her food that she cooks during Chinese new year. Super upset that i missed out on the home cooked food this year at my relatives' because of Chingay! Every year she'll cook these prawns that are super nice with the sauce, the sotong balls, the soup and some other meat. I'm a big fan of home cooked food. I mean it's cool that there are pizzas, or sushi or whatever else, but i mean, i get to eat these all the time right? Chinese new year or other occasions, is a time for everyone to gather round and eat some home cooked meals which we don't get to eat often, isn't it? It's just more homely and makes me feel warm inside to eat home cooked meals. Anyways, going to miss her, she's like a part of me when i was growing up, part of my memory. I'm not very good with letting go, especially once i get attached to someone, or something. Hahahaha! I am emotionally attached to my sofa! I am totally against my parents' idea of throwing my sofa away although it's starting to show signs of falling apart. Hahaha It's been with me since i was a kid! I have grown to have feelings for it! When i was younger, i believed that objects have feelings for me too. Hahaha but now i know that's not true, since they're not living things. :X Hahaha!

Anyways, we threw her a farewell party~

And these are my favourite food out of all the others. Super love the pork ribs! i don't really like the smell of pork, but these don't have smell at all and i love the sauce! Who can resist a crab, especially black pepper crabs!? Oh! And the next day was Aunt Ning's birthday, so we got her a cake as her last birthday celebration with everybody. A picture of mom, Aunt Ning and I below.

And i guess we're freaks after using our brains for don't know how many hours. Have been studying with this JellyFoo recently and i'm always late! :X So she has to chop the table for me. Hehe :D Loving this place. Super chill. I can't study in places that are too quiet, it makes me feel like i'm in a jail. I used to be able to study at home, study at libraries and others, but now, i just can't. Maybe i'm just not as focused as before on my studies. But the more i study, the more i just want to get up and take a walk, or move around. Seems like too much dancing has got to me; hyperactivity. :/

And a few days back... YAY! My parcels are hereeeee~ 

Like finally! After  3 long weeks and long 10 days, my heels and bag are here! I'm a super duper happy girl! My baby kanken is super duper cute! Too tiny hahaha And the colour is soooo sweet! My sweetie baggy! The heels on the other hand were a little loose. :< I could feel it moving at my heels area when i walk. Think i might have to get some insoles or jelly thingy to put it in so i can walk properly. But, i still love them! In a shade of pink similar to my baby kanken! I'm a pinky girl~ :D Hohoho!

And dinner with the BFam and the birthday girl! Always happy to be out with them! We're always trolling around with each other. Hahaha And the laughter never ends. Thank god we didn't have to walk for 30minutes or 45 minutes to get to our usual dessert place, even with our never ending candid shots in between while walking. It was an accomplishment! And we're always on the go for supper! Haven't had supper with them for a week now, time to supper guys! :D I love them! They are the minority that i thought were sane during school, apparently, we're all sane in an insane way, and i love that point very much. :D

Looking forward to St. Patrick's day!

And i just realised that it's white valentine's today! <3 to all! :D
Have a good Thursday ahead.

Bye~

One hell of a weekend.

 

Black Box Boot Camp Exposed

 

 

 

This production, i will definitely remember for as long as i can. I guess i can say that i was really exposed in so many ways possible and this production has helped me to learn and grow quite a bit. The troubles that we faced and how we got through them all in a day was... definitely an experience that i will remember, boot camp indeed... This post is going to be a wordy one.

A preview of the items during the bump in; one day before the actual performance during last weekend. I have photos of the other items except my own item. Ha ha :< Booo... The bump in went alright though we only did one full run of the whole production. We wanted to stay back to run the item again just to make sure that our counts were alright and our spacing were good, but the lights went off at 10pm sharp and we only managed to go through the item halfway. I remembered jumping and the lights went off as i was about to land, man was that scary! You should totally try it some day! LOL Anyways, we decided to leave since everyone had to report at 830am on performance day! That is soooooo freaking early and i already have issues with waking up and being punctual! And i had to wake up even earlier to sync my iphone at 6am! Otherwise i will have so many problems since i just got a new phone and it doesn't have any apps on it and i need my apps! I couldn't sync it the night before since instructions was that i had to charge my phone for 8 hours for the first time to maximise the battery life. Hence, i ended up being late because of my phone.

T.T

 

Nonetheless, i love my phone! It's so full of Hello kitty! Isn't it cute?! Hahaha...

 

The first problem that we faced was the space constraint. The space is soooo much smaller than we had expected and was definitely not working in our favour. For the technical run, we were a total flop and it felt like all our hard work went down the drain.

To make the item look less crowded and also to help us to do our movements properly without worrying that we'll hit each other, Choreographer had to make a tough call, and took some people out from some parts... And, nobody wants that, not after all the hard work, sweat, bruises, effort that they've put in to perfecting their own parts during each rehearsal just for that few seconds or minutes to not be able to display it at all, nobody wants that. If i were to be the one to be taken out, i would have felt very very demoralised and upset. I can understand where the person is coming from when she got upset and said some words that shouldn't have been said, since we're dancing in parts, it makes sense to feel kind of invisible when you have one less part to do in the 5 minutes or so dance.

As a choreographer, nobody will want to present a piece of work knowing that it is way below standards because of compassion or that they feel guilty for sacrificing some people's hard work... So i guess the right thing to do was to make it look better and sacrifice some people.  The seniors were trying to come up with ways to put people back in to the dance and i really admire LH and JK for giving up their part so that the choreographer could put others back in.  They were able to give up their parts yet i was hoping that it wasn't me that was taken out. I felt bad for others yet i feel guilty for wishing that I'm not the one. To sacrifice themselves even though knowing how it feels, it is really respectable. That, I'm still trying to learn... to put others before myself. :<

We did a first full run after all the changes have been made, and it was quite worrying for me since i had to change some of my parts too. I wanted to make sure i had all the steps and counts right before the show.

The second problem was that our costumes looked too commercial and don't work well with the lighting. Everyone readily agreed to change our costume even though choreographer said that it's okay, since we didn't have enough time. We decided to take whatever clothes that we have and borrowed whatever we don't, from whoever we saw, or, swap around with those that don't have that, so that we have the colour needed. This is definitely a first for me, to change costume just about 6 hours before showtime. It's that intense.

So, just when we thought everything was finally settled, and we can finally put our minds at ease for the performance in a few hours' time, an accident happened.

The last problem was realising that 2 of our dancers got into an accident while practising. I remember running out from the room to check on them, and i saw LeiHoi clutcing her head and the choreographer said that she was in so much pain she couldn't even lift up her head, while Mirabel was holding on to her chin and her other hand was full of blood. Everyone was shouting to get tissue, or the ice pack, and moving around everywhere. I didn't know what to do or how i can help. I heard that they needed to go to the hospital, and that one of them might need stitches. They were eventually taken to the hospital. We had to wait for the results of their injuries and at the same time, make changes to the dance to replace them.

It was just too... shocking and scary. I felt quite lost seeing them so in pain and just trying so hard not to cry since they are so strong in my eyes. I've never heard them complain about how tired they are, or that anything is too difficult or impossible to do. All i see is that they never stop trying. And to see them fall, it's just so so so so so scary. I really tried very hard not to cry, but it was just too much to take in after all those ups and downs that we've encountered the whole day...

 

During dinner time, LH and M returned from the hospital. M had 6 stitches while LH had a small split on her scalp and had her head bandaged. They had already asked for permission from the doctor, and were given the green light to go ahead with the performance. With the injury they sustained, they insisted on doing the item that night. If it was me, i would have chickened out after feeling a bit of pain.

 

M didn't dance after much persuasion since her stitches were still quite raw and might cause the wound to open, if she did, while LH decided to dance that night. I could tell she was still in shock herself, yet she could so bravely said that she's fine, forget about the pain and danced the item to the best she could. Felt really worried for her since there were alot of jumping and she might hit her head by accident again during the performance and that will be really bad. But she insisted it was going to be fine. During the performance, I saw  that she stood still for awhile and i thought she was going to faint! :O Thank god no! She said that the pain was just a little stronger in that instant. :O Amazing tolerance level.

M and LH both dance the next day for the next show. Can you imagine someone dancing on the second day of getting 6 stitches, or, someone dancing consecutively for two days with an injury on her head? And each time she jumped and moved she could feel the pain hitting her more than before yet she continues? i cannot. Injured people should be resting but no, both of them are dancing full out. I admire their mental strength, determination, tolerance and most of all, their love for dance. To put others in front of them, because they don't want to let us down knowing that we've all put in so much effort for this and they want to do their part, I'm so proud of the both of them. Besides the both of them, the other seniors were amazing as well. Even though i could tell that they themselves were shaken too, yet they initiated to lead us, comforted everyone to stay focus and cheered us on...

 

Their minds really amaze me, to be able to pull themselves together no matter what. They were like, ready for any shit coming their way, ready to battle anything. Their positivity, determination and endurance. All these, i will try to keep in my head... :) I am really lucky to have met these people. They have shown me their passion for dance, and made me doubt mine. Compared to theirs, mine is nothing for they are willing to do so much more for dance than i am. I am glad that I've met them, really, to make me feel that surge of passion to do so much more again, and that anything is possible as long as i keep trying and learning... :'D

 

I remembered Jessica, resident choreographer helping us to check on our item while our choreographer was at the hospital with the 2 injured dancers. I remembered Ryan giving us a talk just before the performance. He said that we have really been exposed. If everything were to have went smoothly, we wouldn't have remembered this experience, nor will we learn anything out of it. Only the strong dancers are able to face so many problems yet overcome them and be an even greater dancer after all those shit. To not be demoralised by the obstacles that we face, but come back stronger than before. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, isn't it? :D

And these are the wonderful people that i have learnt so much from... and the sweet and caring choreographer... with the paper sushi that we've made for her that morning :D

 

Our founder of DA came to show support and gave us a superrr big sunflower on the first night! This sunflower is more pretty than other sunflowers! :X Not sure if it's still called a sunflower, but it doesn't have the black centre. He he he! Always happy to receive pretty flowers :D YAY~

And on the second night, the brunch girls came to show support! One of them said that she was shouting my name. I remembered telling her beforehand not to, cause i was afraid that i might get distracted and want to burst out laughing or miss my counts. But she ended shouting anyway, but i couldn't hear anything at all. LOL And another flower for me~! YAY~ :D And the bouquet of flowers are sooooo pretty, given by the DA people! But i don't have the photo that we took with me :( Really happy that they came to watch... Felt like i had people supporting me Hahaha and it makes me want to dance it better and not make any mistakes. Hmmm, not that i will if nobody came to watch me Haha... :X

Me and twinny being really happy! So glad to have joined her and we get to dance together in this item. This girl that's always dancing without a care or caution! She is super dangerous and prone to injuries, i swear! Forever working so hard and jumping around, i thought her bones might crack or something! And there was once she was practising this movement that is suppose to be fast and sudden, i think she strained her back! That's how careless and hardworking she is! But, she's like a big sissy to me. Forever taking care of me and reminding me stuff! Hahaha~ Most of all, like a mom, giving me a ride to wherever after trainings or picking me up when she drives since the school is super inconvenient! I feel like I'm travelling to another country when I'm only in this little red dot. :D So glad to have someone dancing and going through this with me together :D

And everything feels quite surreal now. I miss these guys that I've been rehearsing with every week and it really makes me want to do the next performance with them. But... i have exams coming up and it's soooo difficult to not want to be in it because i know that i should be spending more time on my studies now than on dancing. And that sucks. :(

All the things I'm taking away from this production, literally. Haha. And some other tidbits given to me but I've eaten them already. :X Really feel so touched to have a card made personally for me. :D Second one that i have. :) It's the first time dancing together with these people after joining them for about a month and training with them for about 3 months, and to have them tell you that you're treasured by them, feels so special. And this is not done by the club, so it makes it even more special. It makes me feel like my effort are recognised. :)

And Swee Choon for supper after a long and tiring day! Yay~ I felt pretty hungry and ate more than 1 bao that night. Usually, i only eat one and other food, of course. Just that i get tired of it after one, even though I've been craving for it the whole time. Ha ha... My senses and cravings are weird like that. :/ I really like the Har Kow. I always order that no matter what. I don't understand why they only give 2. Most places have 3 or 4 at a go. ;( Actually, i was craving for fried rice that night too, but i was afraid it was too much to clear up. Boooo, till next time, fried rice I'll come for ya!

Dinner peeps last night. We had Crystal Jade's Xiao Long Buffet and i ate 10 xiao long baos. I was tired of eating them at the end not because i was full, but rather tired of them. Ha ha. I miss steamboating but i get so tired cooking the food as well. Ha ha. Oh wells... that's me. These girls have been with me for more than 5 years dancing together. I would say that they are my homies. We survive hardship together! Till forever~ I hope. :D

And the rest of the week was pretty much doing the same thing everyday. Getting to places to chill with my notes. Enjoy a cup of tea or coffee, look around at the things and people around me, and back to my notes. The only bad part was the "getting to". I have had 2 cabbies given me ridiculous replies. I asked them which way were we going? And they replied, "My way/This way." I think i exploded in my head, but i guess he could tell from the tone of my voice that i was pretty pissed off. Obviously, I'm asking you which route, expressways or roads we're taking. It got me confused for awhile whether they really didn't know how to answer me or that they were trying to cheat me and my little money that i have. D; Pfft, weird people. My day was pretty bad yesterday. Not only did i miss my paper by a minute after having cabbed to school, without eating anything that morning, i missed my bus stop and spilled the soup that i was suppose to have for lunch.

 

And i hope today will be a better day. :D These choc biscuits given by the choreographer were really good. I like my rewards as food too.

Bye~